The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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