Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
