Jerry, you need to find god
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
