she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
