Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
