I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
