I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
