Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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