My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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