I smell stomach acid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
