I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
