Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
