Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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