I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
