I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
