guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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