I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
