I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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