First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
