these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
