we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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