OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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