grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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