i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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