My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize