cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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