I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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