i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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