Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
