why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
