I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
