my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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