I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
