Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
