so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
worst night to have a conscience
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
