she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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