We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
