I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
