are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My liver just had a heart attack.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
