Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
