Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Shame is for Republicans.
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