I heard we made out
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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