Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His hands were made for my vagina.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
