Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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