Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
