I didn't shave. On purpose
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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