I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
