community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize