Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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