PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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