Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
