so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
