I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
