Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
