the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
