Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
