That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
