If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
