So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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