my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
