And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
