It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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