Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
