Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize