Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
