my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
