Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
