one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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