dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
