He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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