I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
