low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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