i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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