just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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