so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
