i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
